This confuses
me. It’s one of those smarmy metaphors
on life decisions that looks like butter wouldn’t melt in its mouth. You
swallow and there’s a big fat pin in it. Lying in the bed you made is the final
idiotic act after a series of actions and stupid, stupid decisions. Been there,
done that, idiot who thought up this idiom.
So let’s do
the metaphor. The making of a bed, good or bad is not easy. Decisions come into
play here. First tough decision is should it be a bed for one or two? That’s a
lifestyle choice. If it is a bed for one and there are no plans to double its
size, that opens a whole other set of issues. If it is a bed for two, you are
going to be lying in it with someone else. So the designing and ordering of the
bed comes from this decision – single or double.
How much can
you budget for it? Jungle wood, jackfruit wood, teak, rosewood, mahogany? These
are life choices. You want it to last for two years or three generations? Then
there are the bed boards. Ply? Block board, Marine Ply, teak planks, rosewood
or mahogany. Buy it readymade? Or hire a carpenter?
You have to
decide on the mattress – soft? Hard, firm, thin, thick? Cotton, coir, foam?
The pillows
are another big decision. Thick, thin, hard soft, many or one per head?
Sheets, rough
unbleached, cotton, fine cotton, rayon, silk, satin? Bedpread or coverlet?
Brocade, knit, candlewick, embroidered? Duvet or eiderdown? It’s all about
actions and effects. It could freak you out properly. How do you get that mahogany
bed?
You have to make
life decisions that won’t give you a crick in the neck or a back ache. And then you lie on it. So Idiot Who Thought Up
This Idiom, it’s not as easy as you seem to think it is. There’s a lot of bad
decision-making that goes into the making of a bed. You could sleep happily in
it or it could give you curvature of the spine.
I remember
one of the best sleeps I had on a mud road off a field in a Goan village. I was
10 and tired after a hard day of non-stop playing. There was a folk theatre
playing on a makeshift stage in the field. The adults settled down to watch and
my cousin and I wandered off for some unrelated entertainment. But we were both
tired. It was dark and there was a bullock cart parked on the mud road. No
bulls. The yoke was resting on the ground. The village drunk was sleeping in
the body of the cart, so us two ten-year-olds sat on the yoke, we chatted
drowsily and slowly lay down with our heads on the hard wooden yoke as pillow.
The stars twinkled above, the theatre was in full voice and we slept, a deep,
wonderful sleep. Hours later the adults woke us up, dusted us off and we
trudged back home.
There is an answer for
you Idiot Who Thought Up This Idiom. Rural India has an answer for you. We don’t
need beds or mattresses, or eiderdown quilts. We just roll out a rattan mat. We
eat on it, we work on it, we dust it off at night and sleep on it. It is our
dining table, our dining chairs, our work table, our bed. We wake up early
morning roll it up, prop it against the wall, so snakes don’t crawl in for a
quick snooze and go about our merry way. It’s cheaper, no huge decisions to be
made, no laundering, no lumpy mattresses after a year. Less is more. We won’t have to lie on our bed,
if we don’t have one, suckerrrrrrrr!
SIMPLE, INEXPENSIVE AND SO BLOODY HEALTHY
